As the Barrington School Committee deliberates, some students are fearful
Passage of the school system's Gender Support and Inclusion Policy for Transgender, Gender-Diverse, and Transitioning Students is being bogged down by bigotry...
“I know this is a delicate issue,” said Barrington parent Peter to the Barrington School Board last Thursday evening. “There have been strong opinions and voices shared tonight, as well as in prior meetings. I have a suggestion. We can't fix this policy to everyone's perfect liking. However, perhaps you can strike a middle ground.”
Peter was addressing the school board about potential changes to the school system’s Gender Support and Inclusion Policy for Transgender, Gender-Diverse, and Transitioning Students. The policy, which currently aligns with state and federal law, is based on a model policy put forth by the Rhode Island Department of Education. The policy has worked well in Rhode Island, expanding and protecting the privacy and gender rights of students for six years without incident.
“For example,” continued Peter, “I agree that as children get older, they need trusted adults outside their family - whether that be a church, a coach, a teacher, or a guidance counselor. They need trusted adults that they can go to for help or counsel in their lives. We hope that they will include their parents in that, [but] sometimes they won’t. My suggestion would be to allow that space for a child to go to someone they trust, to share their thoughts, concerns, and feelings, and that they can have some confidentiality in that way.
“However, if the school or a teacher is going to participate in the process of that person changing their identity, being called by a different name, or using a different restroom, that is where the line is crossed. If a school is going to participate in endorsing, following, or affirming an identity that is not their natural identity - that is where notification to parents must be given.
“Do you see the balance there?”
Notice where Peter gives himself away. He is opposed to a school “affirming an identity” that is not the child’s “natural identity.” Being trans, or questioning one’s gender identity, according to Peter, is unnatural. His “middle ground” is to gut the policy.
“I think it's an obstruction of a parent’s right to raise their child as they see fit,” said Peter. “I would hope that this school committee goes back to the drawing board to reevaluate the policy that has been put forward to allow a better balancing test between allowing a child, as they get older, to seek out trusted adults that they need to talk to, as opposed to a school endorsing, affirming, or becoming complacent with an identity that their parents don't know about. There's a line there that should not and cannot be crossed.”
Some concern
Former Barrington City Councilmember Jacob Brier encouraged the school board to vote to approve the policy as it is, even if some of the language changes that have crept in over the last several meanings have “created some concern.”
“The role of the school committee in setting policy is not to accommodate a lack of understanding about an issue by injecting things into a policy to make parents feel safe at the cost of students actually being safe,” said Jacob Brier. “The school committee should set the right policy and then strive to adequately communicate why it's the right policy to the general public…
“Barrington School District has some of the best professionals in the field. We need to let them do their jobs. Legislators don't need to tell social workers, psychologists, counselors, or educators how to define or assess risk or how to define or assess safety concerning the students. Their training and professional experience tell them that when a student discloses their gender identity to a trusted adult and asks that their chosen name be used and that their pronouns be correct, the school is not cutting parents out of the loop. The student has chosen to do that. They've chosen to wait before coming out to their parents. That is their right, and mandating that students be outed to their parents won't increase parental information, it will simply reduce the options that students have and lead to more of our kids feeling ostracized and possibly committing self-harm.”
Terror and Fear
These discussions about the rights and realities of transgender, gender-diverse, and transitioning students have consequences for students. If a school system adopts a mandatory outing policy, students will be forced to hide their identities at home and school. The stress of knowing that one slip-up might reveal something they don’t wish to be revealed can make life difficult - or impossible. And the fear of that world is real.
“I’m here to share a personal story,” said Barrington parent Rebecca. “I have two kids in middle school, one of them is trans. They read the newspaper. They know what's going on in the world, and they asked me to share the fact that they read.
“They'd said to me today, ‘Do you know that 40% of minors commit suicide when they don't have parent support at home, or if they're scared to tell their parents, and that number goes down to 5% when they have a supportive adult in their lives?’ …
“I want to share, in light of the discussions, that my child has benefited from the current gender diversity policy. When they hear that there are discussions, I see terror and fear in their faces. I am here to ensure that not only do they feel safe, [but that they] do not have that fear as they go throughout life, [and] that all children and people have that opportunity for safety, respect, and trust.
“I want to say thank you to the Barrington Schools for teaching kids about trusted adults. I think that the school plays an important role in creating safe spaces for kids because at home, sometimes, they don't have that.
“Of course, as a parent, I am there to support my children, both of them, on their journey through life. I won't always be here though, right? I mean, I don't know what can happen tomorrow. So knowing they have people - teachers and community - where they can go and explore and understand how they are feeling, and feel safe, is so important.
“I trust the schools. My child has trusted adults at the schools. I trust the schools, and I know that not one person, not one teacher, is going to be responsible for what my child shares with them because I know that there's a community of people here who will support that teacher, that child, and their life in society. Thank you.”
You can watch all the public comment and the school committee discussion here:
The transcriptions above have been edited for clarity.
See previous coverage here:
Despite Peter's wrong thinking on this matter, I hear a very intelligent, healthy understanding of what kids need to feel safe in their own skin. I appreciate the acknowledgment that not all kids have parents who are emotionally safe with matters they don't understand or that contradict their understanding of the world. It brings me hope. Thanks for showing up once again.