Barrington's policy for transgender, gender-diverse, and transitioning students meets little opposition

"Gender-affirming care, whether it's in school or a family, is not always a bad or scary thing or even a safety thing. It's really about empowering," said resident Julia Schulkers.

The Barrington School Committee Policy Subcommittee discussed, in detail, proposed changes to the district's Gender Support and Inclusion Policy for Transgender, Gender-Diverse, and Transitioning Students on Thursday evening. Among the changes is the use of the term “gender-diverse” rather than the term “gender non-conforming” as the former term is considered to be stigmatizing.

The policy was in process before the full Barrington School Committee but was sent to the policy subcommittee to revise some of the language, especially around parental notification. The discussion by the committee members on the subcommittee was smart, nuanced, and respectful. The changes reflect the best practices contained within the Rhode Island Department of Education (RIDE)’s mandated statewide policy and accord with state and federal law.

Assistant Superintendent Paula Dillon summarized the changes to the policy:

“The first item was to define who the teams are that are working with students and [to define] a different team for elementary and secondary [students]. For the elementary they involve the family, for the secondary, they involve the family if the student is okay with that. They also involve the guidance counselor, social worker, psychologist, and an administrator of the school.

“The second change [is] if secondary school students are not yet comfortable talking to their parents and disclosing to their parents then [defining] what that looks like. The recommendation had been that it be somehow at least touched by the superintendent so the superintendent is aware that that has happened. We just clarified that it’s not an approval, it’s just so the superintendent is aware because some people were concerned that the superintendent was making that decision - and he's not. But if [the superintendent] has concerns about that decision, they [can] reach back to the team.

“We added in [that] one of the purposes of the policy is to encourage the student to engage with their parents or their family. It doesn't require it, but it encourages... We also clarified that the school has no role in [any] physical or medical transition and that we do not make recommendations regarding either of those topics.”

The policy will be heard again by the full school committee on February 1.

During public comment, most who spoke were in support of the policy and the changes. Only two speakers were opposed. The success of these policies throughout the state is dependent on people stepping up and supporting them in the face of vocal and uninformed opposition.

You can watch the public comment here. [Thanks to Greg Waksmulski for the video.] The selected transcriptions below have been edited for clarity:

Amy Nunn is a Barrington resident with children in the school system and the executive director of the Rhode Island Public Health Institute which owns and operates Open Door Health, the state's first and only LGBTQ clinic.

“I want to just applaud y'all for moving the dialogue in a progressive direction. I also want to note that all of the psychological harms to gender-diverse persons ultimately culminate in medical harm at some point or another. It's really important that we take a whole person view of health and well-being and that we do not adopt any policies that in any way implicitly or explicitly endorse discrimination, because there will be health harm to people immediately or later in life after the cumulative impact of all those things are realized on their health. I want to thank you all and applaud you for endorsing protections for gender-diverse persons. And also, we want to be a resource. We take care of a lot of adolescents and adults at Open Door Health and our name says it all - our door is open. We want to take care of people, we want to be a partner with the school district. So thank you.”

Jarrod Ryan ran an unsuccessful campaign for the Barrington School Town Council as a Republican and spoke of his discomfort with the parental notification aspects of the policy.

“I just wanted to say you guys do a lot of good work in your policy meetings, but there needs to be more clarity for what's considered unsafe. There needs to be more clarity at which point you're planning on cutting parents out of the conversation. There needs to be a better angle of integrating or mandating some kind of integration - of bringing the family in, at least the parents - and giving them a clue. Like, ‘Hey, perhaps we can work parents in and see how far along it goes and see if it is actually safe or not.’

“I don't see that here... If I were cut out of my child's life because of a couple of people coming together with well-intended purposes, I would wonder why. Because if my son, was lying or considered it to be unsafe - I would want to know that so I could play along and see how it goes one way or the other - whether it's to affirm or whether it's to seek a different way, or different guidance or help. Parents need to be involved. It's not for the school to guide them in that direction. It has to be a participation between the families and the school. The school is not the parent, especially when it comes to mental health.”

Julia Schulkers is a healthcare professional and Barrington resident.

“Gender-affirming care, whether it's in school or a family, is not always a bad or scary thing or even a safety thing. It's really about empowering.

“Interestingly, this policy has been created to be like, ‘We can give you these protections if you feel like you're unsafe.’ I don't think it's always about not being safe. It's [about being] affirming and empowering.”

Peter Spencer is a Barrington resident who also had difficulty with the parental notification parts of the policy.

“I've got three kids in elementary school, middle school, and high school. And to be honest with you, if we are covering this policy and adding language to it, we should look at more than just the language you're proposing today. I'm greatly concerned by any indication that a school, staff member, or teacher would keep anything from a parent. Look at the language here, it says here ‘where a student does not want their parents to know, or if it carries risks to the student, or if the safety cannot be guaranteed.’

“If the safety of a child cannot be guaranteed, that's not a school decision to make. That's when you call DCYF, that's when you call the police. There's no mention of that anywhere in this policy.

“Think about the scenario, a young man or woman comes to the guidance counselor and says, 'I don't want to be known by this name anymore. I want to be known by this name, but don't tell my parents.' So the guidance counselor knows about that. They involve the administration, they involve the social worker, and they involve the psychologist. You involve a team. That's what you're calling it. Guess who's not in the team? There's no parent on the team. There's no family on the team. That can't be an adequate team to care for the child. I can't think of an instance where [it would be inappropriate to] phone a parent to say, ‘Just so you know, this is happening in your child's life. They don't want to tell you this, but I have a bigger responsibility to honor your wishes as a parent than to the 15-year-old.’

“These are children we're talking about. Once they turn 18, they're adults. I know we want to respect their desires. We've talked about student choice. It's an important part of it. But what's more important - a student's choice, a child's choice, or a parent's choice? I can't think of any parent who would say, ‘I want to be left out of my child's huge, major decision-making.’ It's ludicrous. It makes no sense to me. I know I'm speaking very boldly here, but this is how I feel. And I know I'm not the only one that feels this way…

“In my mind, families should have full knowledge, full understanding, and be included in everything. And if it harms a child - which I can see - I can see a 16-year-old saying, ‘Don't tell my parents. I don't want my uncle to know. I don't want my dad to know. He'll hurt me.’ Call DCYF. … I don't want to be that parent where everyone in the school or many adults in the school know this precious thing about my child and I'm kept in the dark. That's crazy.”

Carl Bloom is a Barrington resident.

“What I hear as the intention and spirit of this policy is to take that moment when a student has found that level of trust with an adult to say, ‘There's something I'm struggling with, there's something I want to express, and I feel safe with you.’

“As somebody who came out as gay at 24, I know what it feels like to carry that shame and fear through my elementary, junior high, and high school years. My biggest fear was, ‘How will my family react?’ If I was in junior high school, whatever age you are talking about, and I had that one adult that I felt safe with, that would be life-changing. And having that fear of how my parents will react? Will I be shamed? Will I be humiliated? Worst case scenario, be kicked out, all those other things?

“But before all of that is just the emotional duress of how my family will react and whether they will be ashamed of me. The intention here is to say, ‘We want to take that seed of trust and work with you to build that and build that bridge to your family and bring in the family.’ In terms of truly caring for and supporting that child, it's a process of building. We can't just pull the rip cord and be like ‘You told us - parents are coming.’ In many cases that can have a devastating effect if the parent reacts in a way that [the student is] ashamed - and it doesn't have to be physical - that very quickly can lead to suicide and other kinds of mental health risks.

“It's a delicate balance between respecting parents and supporting kids in a way that helps them feel whole, respected, safe, and build that bridge with them.”

Kathy Wise is a Barrington resident and parent of a 35-year-old trans man.

“I can only imagine how things would've been different - read better - if his school had provided such an environment of affirmations. The affirmation part is significant. For parents who are wondering what it would be like for them if their child felt that they couldn't divulge certain things about their lives to them, I have to say, I think every child has things they do not divulge to their parents.

“Granted, this is not just serious, but a central part of their children's lives, as gender identification and sexual orientation is core to every human being’s being. But I think, and I'm sure you have thought about this - it's going to be the rare case that a child would say, “I don't want my parent.’”