Ollie Jack
Chapters 1 and 2
Fixing the Roof
Ollie Jack was in the woods at Granny Jack’s house, and though he was supposed to be fighting the king of the toad men, he was instead helping Granny Jack mend her leaking roof.
“Come down here and fight me, Ollie Jack!” screamed King Budajump, the largest and strongest of the toad men.
“I’m fixing the roof!” said Ollie Jack. “Granny Jack is having trouble sleeping what with all the rain and wetness and the occasional fish falling in!”
“Rain is good for our enemies the frog men, but not so good for toad men and humans,” said King Budajump philosophically. “Perhaps I misjudged you, Ollie Jack. Perhaps we have more in common than we…”
But before King Budajump could complete his happy thought of solidarity, Ollie Jack leaped from the roof of Granny Jack’s cottage and with one mighty blow of his roofing hammer knocked the largest and strongest toad man, King Budajump, into the ground like a nail.
“Now you’re stuck in the dirt, stupid Budajump,” said Ollie Jack. “We fight because humans and toad men are different and differences make us mad at each other. And don’t think…”
But suddenly Ollie Jack found himself neck deep in the ground like a nail, right next to King Budajump.
“You aren’t so different now, are you Ollie Jack?” said Granny Jack, dropping the roofing hammer she had used to clonk Ollie Jack on the head, knocking him into the ground like a nail. “Fighting is stupid! Be nice!”
The Fight in the Marsh
Ollie Jack saw stars and birds swirling around his head, but he focused with difficulty on King Budajump and said, "Granny Jack is right, King Budajump. I'm sorry I hit you in the head and drove you into the dirt like a nail."
"It was a good hit, Ollie Jack," said King Budajump. "It will make a fine story one day."
Both King Budajump and Ollie Jack had aching heads, but Granny Jack pulled them both out of the ground with a claw hammer and fed them aspirin soup. Soon Ollie Jack was feeling good enough to start fixing the roof again and King Budajump hung around and helped. King Budjump could leap from the roof to the ground and back again because of his mighty toad legs, and was and in no time at all the roof was repaired.
"I'm headed into town," said King Budajump. "I'm entering a jumping jacks contest, and I think with my legs, I cannot lose."
"Interesting," said Ollie Jack, pretending to be smarter than he was. "I'd like to see this contest."
With Granny Jack's permission, Ollie Jack accompanied King Budajump to the field beside the nearby village where all the calisthenic contests were to be decided. But before he left, Granny Jack gave Ollie Jack a small bag with ten gold coins and a list of who to bet on in the five calisthenic contests.
"Bet two gold coins in each contest," said Granny Jack. "If my calculations are correct, we should be able to turn those ten gold pieces into 40! And don't lose them! And don't buy any magic beans, or trade them for a wishing fish or any other nonsense."
Ollie Jack was fuming as he walked beside King Budajump toward the contest field. "Granny Jack thinks I'm dumb," said Ollie Jack, "but she wouldn't even have ten coins if I hadn't convinced that magic duck to lay them that time."
"Granny Jack has long been a formidable force in the Great Lands," said King Budajump. "My grandfather told me tales of her adventures and considered her a friend."
As Ollie Jack and King Budajump passed through the marshes on the only dry path, they heard four big splashes, and before they could react they had two frog men before them and two more behind them.
"The Puddle Brothers!" hissed King Budajump. Ollie Jack clenched his fists.
"Well, lookee here!" said Bud Puddle, oldest and smartest of the Puddle Brothers. "Who's walking through our marsh? Don't you know this here is Puddle Brothers territory?"
"Since when bug breath?" said Ollie Jack, ready to fight.
"Whoa, take it easy," said King Budajump. "I eat bugs too..."
Ollie Jack felt embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I get excited. I didn't mean anything by it."
"I get it," said King Budajump. "Just remember that words hurt."
Ollie Jack nodded, but Bud Puddle was annoyed. "Are you two gonna kiss and make up now?" he asked sarcastically.
"Yeah! They're gonna kiss and get married and have tadbabies!" said Mud Puddle, the youngest and dumbest of the Puddle Brothers.
Bud Puddle rolled his eyes as his three brothers, Mud, Pud, and Dud Puddle, fell into fits of hysterics.
Ollie Jack had an idea. He reached into his pocket and produced a small matchbox with two matches inside. "Creatures of the water must be terrified of fire!" said Ollie Jack, striking the match and waving the flame before Bud and Mud Puddle.
Bud Puddle spit a stream of slimy water at Ollie Jack, dousing the match and soaking his clothes.
"Not really," said Bud Puddle.
Shaking with rage, Ollie Jack threw his fist towards Bud Puddles's face, but the frog man was fast, leaping into the air. Ollie Jack's fist instead collided with Mud Puddle's face, sending him unconscious, but mostly unharmed, into the muddy marsh.
"Ha!" said Ollie Jack, just before Bud Puddle landed on him with his elbow in a very impressive wrestling move. Ollie Jack hit the ground hard.
King Budajump, meanwhile, was fighting Pud and Dud Puddle, the three leaping and striking in fantastic poses and daring combinations. In short order Dud Puddle was knocked unconscious into the marsh, leaving King Budajump and Pud Puddle staring at each other, fists ready, breathing heavily.
"Stinking frog," said King Budajump.
"Better that than a dried-up toad man," said Pud Puddle.
"Stay still!" said Ollie Jack, swinging his fists at Bud Puddle, who leaped and dodged his blows with ease, occasionally slapping Ollie Jack with his webbed hands and laughing.
Beyond exasperated, Ollie Jack ripped off his shirt and screamed, sending flocks of birds into the air and stunning nearby marsh fish, who could be seen floating to the surface. Then, like a tornado, Ollie Jack leaped into the air, spinning his fists and striking Bud Puddle over a dozen times in quick succession. Bud Puddle staggered and started to fall, grabbing at Ollie Jack for support.
Bud Puddle's webbed fingers found the small bag with the ten gold coins Granny Jack had entrusted to Ollie Jack, and the bag ripped and the ten gold coins fell upon the dry path through the march.
"Gold!" said Bud and Pud Puddle at the same time, and both leaped forward to retrieve it. King Budajump and Ollie Jack also scrambled for the gold, and there was a terrific melee that was over in seconds.
The Puddle Brothers were gone.
"I've got four gold pieces!" said Ollie Jack.
"And I recovered three more," said King Budjump.
"That means the Puddle Brothers stole three of them!" said Ollie Jack, stamping the ground in anger. "Granny Jack will be furious!"
"We can't chase after the thieves," said Kung Budajump. "Toad men and humans are not made for the watery world."
Ollie Jack looked at the watery marsh and cursed under his breath. "I still have seven bets to make," said Ollie Jack. "I'll just have to do my best."