Lily Kit wasn’t lost. She just wasn’t sure where in the forest she was, or exactly what planet she was on, or even if she was in the regular universe as opposed to the fairylands she sometimes tripped into.
“Hey,” called a sly voice from behind a bustle of bushes. “You seem lost!”
“Fart on that!” said Lily Kit. “I know exactly where I am and how to get home!”
Lily Kit always spoke in exclamations. Even her questions were sometimes exclamations.
From out of the bustle of bushes a very young fox emerged. “You’re not a skunk,” said the very young fox. “Because skunks make scents. And you don’t even know that you’re lost.”
Lily Kit shrugged. She didn’t get the pun, but she suspected the fox was being extra sneaky with their words, and she didn’t want to give the impression that she didn’t know something.
“I guess foxes can talk here!” said Lily Kit. “Where I come from foxes are quiet and respectful!”
“Fart on that,” said the very young fox. “I’m quiet when I hunt and respectful when I eat.”
Lily Kit liked the very young fox immediately. She drew her short sword, raised it to the sky, and declared, “I am Lily Kit! Slayer of bad giants and friend to dragons! I swim with the fish people and I fly with the sky fairies! I fight robots and cancel apocalypses!”
Inspired, the very young fox leaped atop a mushroom, stood on his hind legs, and said, “I think I was born yesterday, and an ogre ate my family! I am alone in the world and have no friends! I am hungry and sad! I want vengeance on the ogre that are my parents and my brothers and sister, but I am a tiny little fox! I need a friend like Lily Kit.”
A tear rolled down Lily Kit’s cheek, but she smiled a smile that would have curdled the heart of the foulest creature from the Underlands.
“What is your name, very young fox?” asked Lily Kit.
“With her dying breath, my parent named me Blech,” said the very young fox.
“Well Blech,” said Lily Kit, “Let’s go find vengeance for your family!”
From that day forward, Lily Kit and Blech were best friends, a team that inspired hope in the hopeless and nightmares in the minds of bad giants and Underland monsters.
But getting vengeance against the Ogre Lord would not be easy…
Walking through the woods on a well-worn path with no particular idea of where they were headed, Lily Kit said to Blech, "If we are to get vengeance on the ogre that ate your family, we need to know what ogre it was! What do you remember about him!"
"Well," said Blech, thinking back to the worst day of his life, which was also the first day of his life, and yesterday, "He was green, carried a big rusty sword, wore a red robe, and had one eye."
"I can think of a dozen ogres that match that description!" said Lily Kit, "Any other details!"
"Hmmmm," said Blech thoughtfully. "Not really... oh fart!"
Blech's fur stood straight up and he leaped onto Lily Kit's shoulder, hissing and terrified. "It's him!" said the tiny fox.
Lily Kit drew her sword, prepared for battle, but then calmed down when she saw that Blech was reacting not to a real, living, and present ogre, but to a wanted poster nailed to a nearby tree featuring the dread Ogre Lord.
"Silly Blech!" declared Lily Kit. "That's just a wanted poster! And he's not the one who ate your family. He's the Ogre Lord, the most feared and powerful ogre in all the realms!"
"No," said Blech, having run to the tree and put his paws against it to more closely examine the poster. "He's the one. See his green skin, red robe, one eye, and golden crown?"
"You never mentioned his golden crown!" said Lily Kit, hoping that Blech was wrong. She didn't relish fighting the Ogre Lord.
"I forgot that detail until I saw this poster," said Blech.
"Fart on that!" said Lily Kit. "The Ogre Lord is really powerful! I know I promised to help you avenge your family, but are you sure he's the one!"
The little Fox nodded. "I'm sorry Lily Kit. You befriended me, and I burdened you with an impossible promise. I will not hold you to such a promise."
In a nearby tree, a taxidermied owl watched Lily Kit and Blech quietly, pretending to sleep but with one eye ever so slightly open and his ears pointed in their direction.
"No, Blech!" said Lily Kit. "A promise made by me cannot be rescinded! I am bound by my word the way the Earth is bound to the sun by gravity!"
"Is that how the sun works?" asked Blech.
"Pretty much, yeah!" said Lily Kit.
"Wow," said Blech.
"We're getting off track!" said Lily Kit. "I can smell the smoke of a nearby village! There we can find food and lodging and plan our attack on the Ogre Lord! I renew my promise! The Ogre Lord will pay for what he did to your family!"
Blech smiled and walked beside Lily Kit as she continued up the path. The sun was setting, and she hoped to have lodging and food before dark.
The taxidermied owl fell from its branch, spread its wings, and glided. With two mighty strokes, the creature was above the trees, and on its way to the nearest ogre caves. There the taxidermied owl hoped to trade what it had just heard for a reward, perhaps a kingdom of its own, or maybe just a friend.